How To Help Your Kids Waste Their Summer Vacation

summer vacation

School is coming to a close and it’s time for your kid’s summer vacation. If you are at a loss how to ensure these weeks are a complete waste of time for them, I offer the following five suggestions.

Let them sleep it away.

Have no set bedtime and let them sleep as long into the day as they like. After all, in order to be properly prepared for life, they should acclimate to a schedule that includes a couple of months of physical and mental inertia every year. That’s what your life is like.

Besides, fresh air and Vitamin D are over-rated.  Pale is the new tan. And everyone knows the outdoors has killer bees, rabid bats, and buses that can run you over. It’s a dangerous place and kids are safest in their beds.

Allow unrestricted access to electronic devices.

Let your kids spend their summer vacation glued to smartphones, video games, and other electronic devices. It’s an important life skill to establish a deep connection with virtual reality. It’s certainly more convenient than developing depth in relationships with family and friends. That’s what the fourth Thursday in November is for.

Summers were made for binge-watching television series – especially the ones you know nothing about. You can trust Hollywood to encourage virtue and YouTube to promote responsibility. Really.You can trust Hollywood to encourage virtue and YouTube to promote responsibility. Really. Click To Tweet

Remember, chores ruin vacations.

Don’t expect your kids to contribute to household maintenance during the summer. They’re on va-ca-tion.

You should expect to pick up the slack. Clean their rooms for them on Sunday afternoon so they’re fresh for the week ahead. That’s also a good time for you to pick up the pet poop, wash out the trash cans, and make sure their bathroom has toilet paper. But do their laundry on Friday so they have their choice of outfits available for the weekend. They’re sure to appreciate that.

Don’t encourage them to set goals.

There’s nothing interesting to learn during summer vacation that your kids aren’t already taught in school.  No need to meddle in supplemental education. Your grade-school kids are probably good enough readers and writers. There’s nothing wrong with getting by. Besides, nobody’s held back anymore.

Summer Reading Challenges sponsored by local public libraries are for honor-roll wannabes. Red Cross lifeguard and babysitting certificates are a bit exotic, don’t you think? And why should your high-schooler spend their summer taking an on-line course (or two!) for college credit – especially if their friends aren’t? You’re trying to raise a well-adjusted kid, not a nerd.

It’s probably not necessary to instill from a young age that setting and achieving goals are important. Let someone else’s kids be the achievers. You don’t want your babies moving out of your house before they’re 35.

Keep them focused on themselves.

Your kids only have one life to live. They should spend their limited time devoted to their own interests.

While other parents encourage their kids to help their grandparents, volunteer at nursing homes, or participate in youth missions, you can raise a sweet little narcissist. It’s such an endearing quality in a kid. And their future spouse will be so grateful for the experience to undo the selfishness you promoted.

I do not claim this is an exhaustive list of ways to help your kids waste their summer vacation, but it’s enough to get you started on the path.

summer vacation