I wish people would stop trying to make bitch happen. Seems every time I turn around, someone is marketing something to women by calling us bitches. Like it’s a compliment. Like it’s acceptable because the “someone”s doing the marketing are other women. Here’s one example.
A mommy group came up as a suggestion on one of my social media feeds. I get these all the time. Since you’re reading this mom blog, you probably do too. But what caught my attention about this particular group was how they define their 30,000+ members:
“a mother who’s not perfect, enjoys alcohol, has a sense of humor, and couldn’t care less what you think. See also: beautiful, boss, bitch, and zero f#&ks given.”
So I began a mental evaluation.
- Every mother I know, including moi, is imperfect. Nothing in that.
- Drinking alcohol is a matter of conscience, but I can’t imagine why enjoying it should be a requirement. (Do they reject you if you’re in AA?)
- A sense of humor is an asset in life. Glad it’s on the list.
- “Couldn’t care less what you think.” Wait, isn’t that the definition of selfishness? Furthermore, these moms are proud of it?
- “Beautiful”? Well, physical beauty is subjective and practically none of us meet cover-girl standards. Those of us relying on inner beauty surely don’t cultivate it from a selfish heart.
- “Boss”. Apparently a slang expression of confidence. Fine.
- “Bitch.” And there it is.
Calling Evil Good
Since when did “bitch” go from being a sexist slur to a self-applied term of empowerment? I consulted an online dictionary to see if I’d missed any positive connotation.
- A female dog.
- A malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman; lewd woman; disparaging and offensive woman.
- A man who willingly or unwillingly submits to the will and control of a dominant partner in a sexual relationship, especially with another man.
- A complaint.
Nope. As it applies to women, “bitch” is as non-complimentary as it gets. That’s true no matter who says it.
So who sold women the idea they should take ownership of this pejorative by preemptively applying it to themselves in defiance of its formal meaning? Self-hating feminist writers. (I’d link to an article or two, but the thought of furthering this nonsense in the slightest gives me mental hives. It’s easy enough to Google if you must.)
Why do I think they’re self-hating? Because these feminists are not telling people subjected to ethnic, sexual, or cognitive slurs (ni*ger, fa*got, ret*rd) if they just owned those epithets and called themselves by those names, they would empower themselves. So why tell women to do what’s unthinkable to tell others? Either they don’t think women deserve the same respect or they’ve just lost their minds in a society desperate to call every kind of evil good. That’s an option, too.
I write this post to encourage women – whom I highly regard as the special creation of God – to respect yourself by refusing to debase yourself and other women with the term “bitch”. Stop trying to make bitch happen. Let it join “fetch” in the landfill of rejected words that are not going to happen.
In a world where 30,000+ mothers sign up for a tribe that identifies with malicious, unpleasant, selfish, lewd, disparaging, and offensive; be a courageous woman who stands against the tide. A courageous woman is not a woman attempting to employ mind games with ugly words. But a courageous woman stands up for virtue when those around her are complicit in its demise.A courageous woman stands up for virtue when those around her are complicit in its demise. Click To Tweet
In our times, the truly counter-cultural woman will be helpful, pleasant, unselfish, decent, kind, and respectful because our culture has grown increasingly scornful of those traits. Feminists are scornful of them. Be all those things anyway.
And also be dignified, gracious, and classy – unapologetically. Because mothers are, whether intentionally or carelessly, leaving a legacy to watching daughters and sons. Will our children reap a heritage of dignity and honor or crude degradation? It will be one or the other and you will decide it by the choices you make now.
If you’ve started, stop trying to make bitch happen. Refuse to let your generation be the one that makes it acceptable for your children to refer to you as a bitch because that’s what you called yourself. Teaching children to respect you starts with a mother who respects herself and makes the prospect of anything else as unthinkable as it should be.
(If the tribe you identify with is a wife and/or mom who’s dignified, gracious, and classy, you’re home! That’s what Wife Sense is here to encourage and support. Stay connected by joining our email list and liking our Facebook page with the button on the right side bar. You are our people!)
(Note: Not surprisingly, the antidotal group referenced in this post also identifies significantly with an issue I wrote about here.)