Stop Trying To Make Bitch Happen

trying to make bitch happen

I wish people would stop trying to make bitch happen. Seems every time I turn around, someone is marketing something to women by calling us bitches. Like it’s a compliment. Like it’s acceptable because the “someone”s doing the marketing are other women. Here’s one example.

A mommy group came up as a suggestion on one of my social media feeds. I get these all the time. Since you’re reading this mom blog, you probably do too. But what caught my attention about this particular group was how they define their 30,000+ members:

“a mother who’s not perfect, enjoys alcohol, has a sense of humor, and couldn’t care less what you think. See also: beautiful, boss, bitch, and zero f#&ks given.”

So I began a mental evaluation.

  • Every mother I know, including moi, is imperfect. Nothing in that.
  • Drinking alcohol is a matter of conscience, but I can’t imagine why enjoying it should be a requirement. (Do they reject you if you’re in AA?)
  • A sense of humor is an asset in life. Glad it’s on the list.
  • “Couldn’t care less what you think.” Wait, isn’t that the definition of selfishness? Furthermore, these moms are proud of it?
  • “Beautiful”? Well, physical beauty is subjective and practically none of us meet cover-girl standards. Those of us relying on inner beauty surely don’t cultivate it from a selfish heart.
  • “Boss”. Apparently a slang expression of confidence. Fine.
  • “Bitch.” And there it is.

Calling Evil Good

Since when did “bitch” go from being a sexist slur to a self-applied term of empowerment? I consulted an online dictionary to see if I’d missed any positive connotation.

  1. A female dog.
  2. A malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman; lewd woman; disparaging and offensive woman.
  3. A man who willingly or unwillingly submits to the will and control of a dominant partner in a sexual relationship, especially with another man.
  4. A complaint.

Nope. As it applies to women, “bitch” is as non-complimentary as it gets. That’s true no matter who says it.

So who sold women the idea they should take ownership of this pejorative by preemptively applying it to themselves in defiance of its formal meaning? Self-hating feminist writers. (I’d link to an article or two, but the thought of furthering this nonsense in the slightest gives me mental hives. It’s easy enough to Google if you must.)

Why do I think they’re self-hating? Because these feminists are not telling people subjected to ethnic, sexual, or cognitive slurs (ni*ger, fa*got, ret*rd) if they just owned those epithets and called themselves by those names, they would empower themselves. So why tell women to do what’s unthinkable to tell others? Either they don’t think women deserve the same respect or they’ve just lost their minds in a society desperate to call every kind of evil good. That’s an option, too.

Respect Yourself

I write this post to encourage women – whom I highly regard as the special creation of God – to respect yourself by refusing to debase yourself and other women with the term “bitch”. Stop trying to make bitch happen. Let it join “fetch” in the landfill of rejected words that are not going to happen.

stop trying to make bitch happen

Mean Girls, 2004

In a world where 30,000+ mothers sign up for a tribe that identifies with malicious, unpleasant, selfish, lewd, disparaging, and offensive; be a courageous woman who stands against the tide. A courageous woman is not a woman attempting to employ mind games with ugly words. But a courageous woman stands up for virtue when those around her are complicit in its demise.A courageous woman stands up for virtue when those around her are complicit in its demise. Click To Tweet

In our times, the truly counter-cultural woman will be helpful, pleasant, unselfish, decent, kind, and respectful because our culture has grown increasingly scornful of those traits. Feminists are scornful of them. Be all those things anyway.

And also be dignified, gracious, and classy – unapologetically. Because mothers are, whether intentionally or carelessly, leaving a legacy to watching daughters and sons. Will our children reap a heritage of dignity and honor or crude degradation? It will be one or the other and you will decide it by the choices you make now.

If you’ve started, stop trying to make bitch happen. Refuse to let your generation be the one that makes it acceptable for your children to refer to you as a bitch because that’s what you called yourself. Teaching children to respect you starts with a mother who respects herself and makes the prospect of anything else as unthinkable as it should be.

(If the tribe you identify with is a wife and/or mom who’s dignified, gracious, and classy, you’re home! That’s what Wife Sense is here to encourage and support. Stay connected by joining our email list and liking our Facebook page with the button on the right side bar. You are our people!)

trying to make bitch happen

(Note: Not surprisingly, the antidotal group referenced in this post also identifies significantly with an issue I wrote about here.)



  • Raising World Children Ezine

    I know the group you are talking about. Personally I believe the context of use makes a lot of difference but I’m glad you wrote this post. It is a great sign of our times that vulgar language has to be used to grab attention. Virtue should exist in all it’s glory no matter the scenario. Well put!

    • Wife Sense

      Thank you, RWCE. I thought a lot about how context changes meaning. But I kept coming back to the fact that, as a society, we have no tolerance for other epithets (mentioned in the post.) So why does this slur get a pass?

      • Raising World Children Ezine

        I totally agree. I pesonally use the word in it’s real sense only 🙂 Lol

  • Yeah, it’s like if you can’t beat em join em. It doesn’t make sense when you say you take a higher road. You are falling in exactly where they want when you do it. Positive spin or not

    • Wife Sense

      Bobbi, I think we could spin that word in a laundry cycle and it still wouldn’t clean it up. 😜

  • Lane & Holly @ With Two Spoons

    Being in a male dominated career where I am forced to make life and death decisions daily (and there is always someone that disagrees with those choices, or who is not interested in carrying out the orders) I am often called a “bitch”. Interestingly enough, it no longer bothers me. I prefer fierce, but whatever.

    • Wife Sense

      I’m all for women being assertive in their positions of professional responsibility. But I’m guessing those calling you a bitch in your workplace aren’t trying to empower you. They know it’s not nice. And so do we. Thanks for sharing, Lane & Holly.

  • Babies to Bookworms

    I was just having a similar conversation with my dad the other day. He was asking when women started using it almost like a term of endearment for each other. I don’t get it either. I think it started as women using it to try and take the power out of the word, but hearing girls use it as a nickname for each other is too far.

    • Wife Sense

      You bring up a great angle, BTB. Men are not privy to the rehabilitation campaign. Because they don’t get a pass to use this slur, it’s still fully loaded with degradation to them. But it was their definition feminists were trying to neutralize in the first place. Doh! That didn’t work so well.

  • Dikla Frances

    Well said! Thank you for the post! You are a true Lady!

    • Wife Sense

      Oooo, thank you, Dikla! 💐