Marriage

Every Woman’s Guide To Styling Your Man

styling your man

It’s your duty to begin styling your man. The man who looks like he stepped off the cover of GQ magazine is a unicorn. Should you happen to spot one – though the chances are like winning the Powerball lottery – you know it’s the result of some woman’s determined, stealthy, and protracted efforts on his behalf.

In the interest of full disclosure, we must admit our aim is not to style our man to GQ standards. As previously stated, that standard is virtually unattainable. We must admit our limitations as well as those of the subjects we’re working with.

That said, we press on. Why? Because everyone knows a man’s styling is a direct reflection on her. No one can look at the pictures below and not wonder: How did his wife let him walk out of the house like that?!

styling her man

I’m not saying it’s fair, but somehow this becomes our fault. And like it or not, people’s perception is their reality. So to be proactive in maintaining our own reputation, every woman must take charge when it comes to styling your man. This is your essential guide to achieve incremental improvement.

Step One – Nails

You must begin at once – no more than 3 or 4 dates into the relationship. At this stage, your man is most pliable and oblivious to any plans you have to change him. But begin slow.

I suggest an uber-casual Saturday afternoon watching television at home. Sports are on then. He’ll think you’re trying to impress him with a demonstration of your willingness to defer to his interests. And that’s good because he’ll never see what’s coming.

While you’re watching whatever ball is going back and forth on the screen, casually pull out a nail file and begin filing your own nails – keeping your eyes mostly fixed on the game. After 10 minutes or so, put the suggestion out there: “You know what would be fun? Let me do your nails. I promise they’ll be gorgeous when I’m done!”

He can’t say no. He may wonder about your idea of “fun,” but he’ll have to acquiesce since you were such a champ about the sports. Besides, he may be distracted by a genuine interest in the game. This is your opportunity to bring out the cuticle softener and scissors you have ready on the side table.

If he’s willing (don’t spook him!), take care of those toenails too. But only if you think this relationship has potential to go the distance. Otherwise, skip that nonsense.

When you’re finished, oooh and aaah over how well-groomed his nails are. He’ll get the hint you like this look on him.

Step Two – Head & Facial Hair

For some reason, head and facial hair are the easiest areas to exert your influence over. No woman has figured it out. Click To TweetFor some reason, head and facial hair are the easiest areas to exert your influence over. No woman has figured it out. It seems all you have to do is ask them the shave their mustache, grow a beard, change their part, or get a haircut. And they do it!

It’s a much bigger aesthetic change than manicuring their nails, yet it requires no stealth at all on your part. Baffling, but true.

My own husband came into my life with a mustache and his hair parted down the middle. But that mess was gone in a month. Easy peasy. Just asked.

Step Three – Wardrobe

Ok ladies, here’s where you may encounter the first bit of resistance. Your man may sport a hideous fleece-lined hoodie, cargo pants, or Crocks on his feet like they were given to him in a gang initiation; but they and others of their kind must go. You know it and I know it.

However, asking him to get rid of an article of clothing he’s unnaturally fond of will not fly. At this point in your relationship (engaged or nearly) he’s starting to feel a little secure about asserting himself. That’s a shame.

It means you’ll have to feign neutrality about the detestable article that’s lowering his AQ (attractiveness quotient) while plotting its demise. Coming right out with a complaint about it is a rookie mistake that has cost women months of extended humiliation. Here are some examples of actions savvy women have taken.

  • Smuggle it out of his house and throw it in a fast-food drive-thru garbage bin. He’ll think he lost it.
  • Spill bleach, permanent ink, or paint on it. Ooops, so clumsy.
  • “Accidently” include it with a Goodwill donation.

But getting rid of offending items is only half the battle. You have to get them to start wearing the right items. Begin with buying him a “present”. That’s what you’ll call it, but it’s actually a gateway article to a lifetime of better fashion choices.

When he wears it, you’ll again with the ooohs and aaahs. Say “I don’t know if you should wear this out of the house because all the ladies will start flirting with you.” He’s sure to wear it then.

I was walking through the men’s department of a mall anchor store with my husband and spotted a beautiful robin’s egg blue dress shirt. He grimaced when I held it up. So I said, “If you wore this shirt, I don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands off you.” He snatched it out of my hand and ran toward a cash register. True story.

Keep working this angle until your man has a complete and appropriate wardrobe. It never gets old to him.

Step Four – Cologne

The wardrobe battle behind you, you can focus on completing the package. There’s nothing like a manly-smelling man. Research your favorite scent, bring a bottle home and tell him he’s wearing it. You’re married by now and he’s figured out resistance is futile.

Personally, I make my man wear Fahrenheit. Super manly. But beware, ladies. When he wears the scent you love, it may make you more susceptible to any maneuvers or counter-plots of his devising. Stay alert.

Step Five – Accessories

The only accessory we want our man to wear, besides a belt and a watch, is his wedding ring. If your man wears gold chains on his wrist or neck like it was his college glory days, hide them. Does he have a fanny pack or murse? Burn it. Baseball hat? Well, maybe we can let that slide – on the weekends. But don’t let him wear it backward or sideways. Ever.

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